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Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Love Hurts and You Don't Know Why: When Loving Hurts And You Don't Know Why

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She suspends her own good judgement, joins him in his persecution of her, and finds explanations to justify his behavior. Over time, the project grew into a small and generally supportive online community, where men and women shared their fears, frustrations and unhappiness. Looking for the “magic key”: the on and off and alternation between love and abuse can lead women to believe that there must be some secret formula to make things always good, and that she can find it.

And that innocuous, simple act in 2012 was enough to unleash a torrent of abuse that continues to this day, spiking and redoubling every time I discuss the project online or in the media. Interviews with former members of these groups and the people fighting against them gives unique insights on how this movement operates. Or you might have heard that one of our vital freedoms is being undermined by pearl-clutching, humourless women taking offence at a few risqué jokes.When a child throws a tantrum, most parents believe that they have lost control, and they feel helpless. It may appear that her partner is so in love with her that he doesn't want to share her with anyone else. When the father was an abusive tyrant and the mother was weak, the boy sees two options: be weak like mother, or a tyrant like the father. Ultimately, there are major changes that need to happen across a wide range of sectors, from government to tech companies, from media to education.

The other minor downside I saw is that she talks about how young men are drawn into the manosphere, groomed as it were, but never mentions the other aspect of extremist misogyny - male entitlement. It's just a shame so many feminists would rather defend the indefensible rather than tackle the job at hand. But when a woman repeatedly gives in to her partner so that her needs take second place to his, she cannot maintain her self-esteem. The unspoken agreement, which comes from our deepseated needs and fears, is far more powerful and binding.The boy from suffocating mothers can also internalize the belief he can’t survive without the mother, and that he can project that sense of dependency onto all women in his life. Some men are extremely moody, some men lose their tempers easily; some like to argue, and some may disagree loudly with everything you say; but none of these behaviours, in and of itself, defines a man as a misogynist. What if it’s almost impossible to get to grips with the epidemic of violence facing women and girls when we’re not able to clearly name and examine the problem?

Perhaps we men who don’t hate women can make a small start by replacing talk of “toxic masculinity” with something more appropriate to Johnson, Trump, and their acolytes – perhaps, say, “pathetic man-babyism”? Imagine a world in which vulnerable men, lost boys and confused, scared teenagers are swept up and preyed upon by such communities, which feed on their fears and push them towards hatred, violence and self-destruction. The misogynist’s underlying suspiciousness seems to come from a fear that women are “only out for what they can get. The messages we receive as children become the core information we use about ourselves and our position in the world for the rest of our lives. He enters into a relationship with a woman very much as a hungry, demanding infant does, with the unspoken expectation that she will be totally giving and will meet all his needs.Fascinating, mind-blowing and deeply intelligent book that should be recommend reading for every person on our planet.

What’s really at stake is the hater's picture of actual people who've hurt them, based not on the people but on the hurt. He spent nights browsing YouTube and bodybuilding sites, looking for tips on how to improve his looks. If a child is also a victim of physical and/or sexual abuse, the symptoms of distress will be much greater. In this way, aspiring PUAs are very like “incels”: men who think of themselves as “involuntarily celibate” because women won’t sleep with them.First there is MGTOW, for “Men Going Their Own Way” – their own way being, hopefully, nowhere near women, who are all liars and cheats. The ‘red pill’ metaphor is a powerful and dramatic way of conveying an ideology, and it is immediately attractive to those with any kind of grudge or grievance. Once you know that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there despising women to the point that many of them believe we should all be exterminated, you can never un-know it. The pitiful irony here, as Bates shows, is that “men’s rights” groups splintered from the original, pro-feminist “men’s liberation” movement, which sought to free men themselves from harmful social expectations of masculinity.

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